My name is B.H., I am 36 years old and I live in Cove City, NC. I am
divorced and have a 19 year old daughter. I am also a recovering
addict. I have been clean and sober now for approximately 22
months.
My last treatment program was in Buncombe County, a few miles
outside of Asheville. The program was a long-term residential
treatment program for men. The program was 12 hours away from
my home, and was highly structured.
The counseling sessions (and classes) were designed around my
individual needs and are what I now see the cornerstones that
helped me turn my life around. I soon realized that I was addicted to
many things besides drugs and alcohol, and I had numerous issues
that held me in to an addictive lifestyle. I was addicted to
relationships and struggled with issues of rejection, self-hatred, and
low self-esteem. I was a perfectionist and a people pleaser. I was
assigned a Primary Therapist named Susan. It was in one-on-one
counseling sessions with Susan that I began the process of working
on these issues that I kept buried deep inside. There were many
times I felt my life was too messed up to fix, and many times I felt like
giving up, but Susan was there to encourage me as well as to
challenge me. There are many variables involved in the treatment of
addiction. My flawed belief system, distorted self-perception, and
learning how to deal with my emotions were the hardest for me.
These were the things that I worked on with Susan and many times
without me even knowing it.
I was taught coping skills which were essential to transition back into
society, and I applied what was taught while still in treatment.
Practicing those skills while still in the program helped me a great
deal once I returned home. When faced with a problem, I was able to
effectively deal with the situation without relapsing.
After 8 months of treatment, I returned home. This was when things
got the toughest. My addictive lifestyle had cost me more than I had
imagined. Sometimes the issues caused by addiction can only be
put behind you. Many times there is no way to repair the damage
that has been caused. There were broken relationships that I had to
let go of before I could move forward in my new life. Addiction cost
me my marriage, and put a strain on my relationship with my
daughter.
Today, I am in my second semester in college and I also work a
part-time job. On Sunday's I attend church and I am a member of our
choir. I surround myself with my support system. It keeps me
grounded and reminds me that I don't have to live the way that I once
did. My life today is happier and more stable than it ever was in
active addiction. I feel that I am one of the lucky ones. There are
hundreds of men all over the world in every city that might not be so
lucky. I feel this way because not because they don't want help, but
because there are not enough programs and resources available to
them. To the people who helped me, whether area organizations,
businesses, or individuals, I owe my life too. They are the ones who
truly make recovery possible.